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[26 Jul 2004|12:16pm] |
Ah.. the time has come for this journal to be rendered "Friends Only". Some things that will be written about in here aren't for certain eyes. I don't think that everyone should know everything ALL the time. Life has been changing very quickly for me lately, and I want to share it with people who really care, and people who won't judge. If you're interested in me listning you as a friend, add me. // 7.26.04 Friends Only
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[26 Jul 2004|12:07pm] |
for your viewing (dis)pleasure..
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[25 Jul 2004|02:05pm] |
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mood |
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 nerdy |
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music |
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type o negative -- 'pyretta blaze' |
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. . . i'm fucking pissed off. i can't get a fucking new tattoo today. what kind of bullshit is that < huffs >. anyway, i haven't been doing well, for those of you who know what's going on. it's alright.. i'll be okay :\ i've been sleeping a lot, and other than that, ive been on city of heroes. i fucking own. < grins > if any of you have it, i'm Lady Hera .. and i'm on the Victory Server. anyway. i need to get out and see ryan. actually, i need to do a lot of things. I was thinking about going to shit-ass shampoo on wednesday night.. who knows..
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[04 Jul 2004|02:18am] |
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mood |
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 depressed |
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music |
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human drama -- "lonely" |
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i know i haven't updated in a while, but ive been sick and what not.. not really feeling up to sitting at the computer. anyway, i can't sleep..... whatever.. < sighs >
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[15 Jun 2004|01:07pm] |
there's too much swirling around in my head right now to type it all out, so i'm just going to vaugely brush over how i'm feeling. i'm sore, my back aches, and my toe is just lovely < eyeroll > .. i feel somewhat down today, i guess i'm just thinking a bit too much for my own well being. i feel like i'm falling into this.. continuious downward spiral. i'm happy, but at the same time i'm sad. i want to laugh, and then rip my eyes out and cry. to be honest, i don't know what's wrong with me.. or what's going on inside of me. i'm just... i don't know. adjusting, i guess.. // i could have told you, this world was never meant for someone as beautiful as you..
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[12 Jun 2004|01:15am] |
for those who care, my back is broken > < thats why i havent been online. ive been hyped up on vicodin and what have you. besides, kenny is here.. and yeah im not going to sit around online while he's here because i'm not an ignorant asshole (mm.. scratch that. i'm not usually and ignorant asshole..) but yeah, thank you for the flowers {{ alli and min }} made me feel all special-like and whatever. eh, dying hair now, so.. yeah. if you want to talk to me, fucking call me. you know my goddamn number.. ((those who know who they are...
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[03 Jun 2004|06:28am] |
okay wow..
fear his wrath: so.. whats up dollface
cemetary safarii: not much bebe, what about you
fear his wrath: ehh.. i did erm, something bad
cemetary safarii: lol.. what'd you do now
fear his wrath: richie was being a fuckwad, and i was getting irritated. he knows i'm high strung, but he doesn't realize that he should chill out around me..
cemetary safarii: why is that bad?
fear his wrath: i like, eh, stabbed him, and he bled all over the floor. the bitch and dad ran him to the ER.
cemetary safarii: okay wow.. um.. yeah thats pretty fucked. is dad pissed?
fear his wrath: yes and no. the kid lunged at me first, and i was just defending myself..
cemetary safarii: hes not gonna like, die is he?
fear his wrath: no..
cemetary safarii: fuck man :|
that kid fucking knew not to fuck with him. im surprised he didn't rip his throat out.. < sighs > and just when i thought i was finished posting for the morning.. lol but yeah. what a fucking idiot, he is. i mean, toby may be a gimp.. but he's a big guy, and besides, he has temper issues. i think i'm the only person NOT afraid of him because he's just a big fucking teddy bear and i have him wrapped around my finger. what are bestfriends for, anyway? i cant be afraid of him lol. i'm hoping he'll be alright (rich), so i can bitch him out later today.. fucking moron..
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| lmao.. |
[03 Jun 2004|06:21am] |
 Vampire: Vampires are dead human beings who walk the earth. They are often characterized by fanged teeth pale skin and unearthly eyes. You have a short fuse. You know what you want and you will use almost any means to get there. However, you probably have a soft spot when it comes to the one you love. You tend to be possesive of those you love and they will never escape you. What Mythological Creature Are You (Many Results and Beautiful Pics) brought to you by Quizilla |
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[03 Jun 2004|05:39am] |
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mood |
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 crazy |
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music |
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maroon 5 -- 'this love' |
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ANXIETY ATTACKING SHALL NOW COMMENCE ... lol seriously man.. i need to take something. i don't know what it is, im like.. bah. i laid down about.. 10, and didn't get up until 4. i planned on taking a nap but we all know how i sleep.. lol i'm taking a break right now from cleaning my room. im so fucking clumsy. i'm standing there, tossing clothes in my closet (since theyre all over the floor.. if im having company, i pick up. otherwise, i dont give a shit rofl).. and i backed up and fell over a box of stuff. not a small box, one of those.. fucking ups boxes, and hit my head on the shelf. i sat there for a minute, and it was so funny because suki was sitting there, head tilted.. just staring at me. i was like 'what the fuck are you looking at' and she started wagging her tail rofl i dont know i guess you had to be there O_o .. i'm goofy at the moment, sorry. kenny's train comes in at 715 tonight, so yeah. OH MY FUCKING GOD.. speaking of that, (dont know why this reminded me).. my car isnt back yet. TELL ME WHY its taking so long.. ugh. whatever. < sigh > i still have the livingroom to vaccum, and then tackle the kitchen, that is after my bedroom is finished, of course. ... i figured out what's wrong with my face (none of you smartasses better say a fucking word lol)... my mom said that it IS possible for allergies to be so severe that it happens like this. for those who dont know what exactly is wrong, my skin is like.. wind-burned.. very dry, achey, and sore. my eyes are like swollen, and i'm congested. i'm a big ol' mess :\ .. you are the first, will be my last final words.. said she.. ahhhh.. pyretta blaaaze .. < lala's > lol but yeah.. < stretches > i really want to learn this song.. it's so beautiful (josh groban -- "caruso") .. it's in italian. if i can learn Habanera, i can learn this.. just give me some time .. heh. you know, this entry was gonna be just a regular little entry, but i'm dragging it out. god, i'm bored lol. i talked to mary early this morning, the boys were keeping her up. she wants me to come visit.. but i'm like no man. i dont have the money to go down there, and right now i have other things on my hands. she really misses me, and the feeling is mutual. .... i need to get together with nikki, because she's the only bass player i want. scott just needs to.. go do his own thing. he's fucking pissing me off. nikki and i jive together when it comes to music, and she's the only one i want to do the job. sunday she has off, and she wants us all to hang out and im like, well i have company.. and shes all yeah and? lol bah i'm just gonna stop writing now.. :P
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| oh the way the night passes by.. |
[02 Jun 2004|06:51am] |
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mood |
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numb |
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ostracism -- shattered and frozen |
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it now being 7a, i sit and stare at the screen blankly. paced around the house for hours with nothing to do, nothing to say, nothing to feel. i sat down and talked with ryry for a while.. things seemed to ease. i wonder how kenny's headache is coming along.. hoping it's passed. a lot of things hit me tonight. hit me really hard.. you know, deep down where it means the most. i know what's bothering me, oh god do i know.. but at the same time, i can't put it into words what it is. sometimes the mind sees what the heart wants it to feel.. never do they work at the same pace, or towards the same direction. my eyes are starting to grow heavy.. but there's no time for sleep. suck it up, lady. you've got things to do. i don't want to hear the birds, or see the sun. i want to crawl into my safe-place and die a little inside. not a lot, don't worry.. just enough to wake myself up and realize what needs to be done, what needs to be said, and how it all has to happen. don't pinch me, i know i'm not dreaming. dreams don't unfold like this.. only nightmares do. my skin is dried and sore, but there's nothing i can do about it. it, too.. like my heart, is slowly crackling. i'm happy, don't let the tears fool you. but what is it that i'm happy about? there's not enough time for randomness in life. love is optional, but it helps pass the time. maybe if i were a hermit, things wouldn't be so hard, so cold. i'm loved, i know this. do i feel it? surely. there are just some things i can't write down.. they float away as soon as i catch them in my mind. sure, i'm just rambling, but this might mean something to me. what it means, who knows. i don't even know. all i can say that i know for sure is that somewhere inside me is potential to move mountains.. all i need to do is tap into that. someone needs to crack the ice around my heart, but yeah.. my eyes are beginning to glaze over. i don't want to look into the mirror (despite popular demand, we do have reflections). i can't be me. the world isn't kind to those who differ from the rest. i'm not an outcast, just an unknown..
i'm sorry for those who've come across the path and have entered the darkness. for sometimes i wish i had never stumbled upon it, myself..
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[02 Jun 2004|01:51am] |
ALL WE WANT IS A HEADRUSH
ALL WE WANT IS TO GET OUT OF OUR SKIN FOR A WHILE
WE HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE BECAUSE WE DON'T HAVE ANYTHING
ANYTHING WE WANT ANYWAY...
WE USED TO HATE PEOPLE
NOW WE JUST MAKE FUN OF THEM
IT'S MORE EFFECTIVE THAT WAY
WE DON'T LIVE
WE JUST SCRATCH ON DAY TO DAY
WITH NOTHING BUT MATCHBOOKS AND SARCASM IN OUR POCKETS
AND ALL WE ARE WAITING FOR IS FOR SOMETHING WORTH WAITING FOR
LET'S ADMIT AMERICA GETS THE CELEBRITIES WE DESERVE
LET'S STOP SAYING "DON'T QUOTE ME" BECAUSE IF NO ONE QUOTES YOU
YOU PROBABLY HAVEN'T SAID A THING WORTH SAYING
WE NEED SOMETHING TO KILL THE PAIN OF ALL THAT NOTHING INSIDE
WE ALL JUST WANT TO DIE A LITTLE BIT
WE FEAR THAT POP-CULTURE IS THE ONLY CULTURE WE'RE EVER GOING TO HAVE
WE WANT TO STOP READING MAGAZINES
STOP WATCHING TV
STOP CARING ABOUT HOLLYWOOD
BUT WE'RE ADDICTED TO THE THINGS WE HATE
WE DON'T RUN WASHINGTON AND NO ONE REALLY DOES
ASK NOT WHAT YOU CAN DO FOR YOUR COUNTRY
ASK WHAT YOUR COUNTRY DID TO YOU
THE ONLY REASON YOU'RE STILL ALIVE IS BECAUSE SOMEONE
HAS DECIDED TO LET YOU LIVE
WE OWE SO MUCH MONEY WE'RE NOT BROKE WE'RE BROKEN
WE'RE SO POOR WE CAN'T EVEN PAY ATTENTION
SO WHAT DO YOU WANT
YOU WANT TO BE FAMOUS AND RICH AND HAPPY
BUT YOU'RE TERRIFIED YOU HAVE NOTHING TO OFFER THIS WORLD
THING TO SAY AND NO WAY TO SAY IT
BUT YOU CAN SAY IT IN THREE LANGUAGES
YOU ARE MORE THAN THE SUM OF WHAT YOU CONSUME
DESIRE IS NOT AN OCCUPATION
YOU ARE ULTIMATELY THRILLED AND DESPERATE
SKYHIGH AND FUCKED
LET'S STOP PRAYING FOR SOMEONE TO SAVE US AND START SAVING OURSELVES
LET'S STOP THIS AND START OVER
LET'S GO OUT-LET'S KEEP GOING
THIS IS YOUR LIFE-THIS IS YOUR FUCKING LIFE
WE NEED SOMETHING TO KILL THE PAIN OF ALL THAT NOTHING INSIDE
QUIT WHINING YOU HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING WRONG BECAUSE FRANKLY
YOU HAVEN'T DONE MUCH OF ANYTHING
SOMEONE'S WRITING DOWN YOUR MISTAKES
SOMEONE'S DOCUMENTING YOUR DOWNFALL
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[02 Jun 2004|01:15am] |
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mood |
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 confused |
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music |
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dj sammy -- 'heaven' |
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yeah.. my face is really bothering me. this fucking reaction.. i dont get it. i haven't used anything different on my face.. god wtf. whatever. anyway, dan is a flaming asshole. he made my anna upset, bastard. < sigh > right now i'm in a really odd mood.. i'm not.. sad, but i'm not happy, either. i'm numb, basically. everything around me is falling apart.. and yes, i know it's been a long time since ive had a sincere entry. i dont know what to do about anything.. i have a feeling life is gonna take a sudden change of direction sometime soon.. just don't know when that is. there's something in my eye, and i cant get it out. maybe if i dig at it long enough, it'll come out. whatever. i have a lump in my throat, don't know what it is. probably anxiety.. don't know what i have to be anxious about, though. things.. are just weird. there's an odd air around here.. things don't seem real, i don't know. the guy who was gonna buy the coupe fell back on it, and it pissed my dad off. in a way, i'm glad.. because thats my car, but on the other hand, it would be nice to get some money off it. fuck. ryan is blah, and i wish i could make him feel a little better. < shrugs > i have to call danni, and i need to talk to nikki about her and will. if i don't shove those two together, they won't ever hook up. fucking relationships. nothing but a pain in the ass lol. thursday after we get kenny from the trainstation, i'm thinking about going to see troy. if that's a big 10-4 with everyone, i want ryan to come hang out with us! he needs some cheerin up :P i don't know what else to write.. i have a lot on my mind, just not able to put it all into words right now. whatever.
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| jesus, it never ends.. |
[01 Jun 2004|11:56pm] |
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mood |
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 creative |
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music |
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slipknot -- 'duality' |
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i felt like shit yesterday, man. i don't know why. whatever. i have some.. strange allergic reaction to something on my face.. its like, kinda bumpy and sore. look like a fucking lepur. anyway. went to goodwill today and picked up some target. oh yeah! angie said she's gonna ask her mom about a table for me.. rock on. i don't really have too much to say other than kenny is coming down on thursday, and we're gonna have mad fun :D whee!
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[01 Jun 2004|11:16pm] |
 You have a dominant kiss- you take charge and make sure your partner can feel it! Done artfully, it can be very satisfactory if he/she is into you playing the dominant role MEORW! What kind of kiss are you? brought to you by Quizilla |
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demonz_dreaming's journal
